patience

Patience is a difficult thing for everyone, I think. We all want what the person beside us has and we want it now. We don’t want to wait for our chickfila, we don’t want to sit at a stop light, and we don’t want to wait for many other things (things that are more serious than chicken sandwiches and traffic lights).

I’m struggling with wanting to grow up. This season of my life is very hard and I would love more than anything to fall asleep on my couch and wake up, twenty-three, in a house with a husband and a puppy or a baby or if I’m feeling crazy, both. I want to get to that stage of my life because lately I’m struggling with knowing if it’s all going to work out in the end. I worry that I’m never going to find my person and that I’m going to be in a weird limbo forever. I worry that I will never figure out if a teacher is truly what I’m supposed to be. I worry for my friends, that they will be okay in the end too, and all I want these days is just to know that it’s all going to be okay. 

And that’s so difficult to do. I, we, should be enjoying our days right now. I’m in college and I shouldn’t worry about these things, but I think we go through seasons where we think too much about the future in an effort to not think about the now and then it all goes crazy.

Here’s what’s great, though: putting it in God’s hands. Not even putting it in God’s hands, but reminding yourself, grasping the fact that it’s all going to work out in the end because the Lord made this world and made me and all of the people in my life and he cares for us and he has a beautiful plan written out for us. He knows the end of our stories, just like He knows the middle and the beginning and even this crappy phase I call the third semester of college. It gets better than that because He doesn’t just know, He made it happen and He is in charge of our stories.

So I’m going to stop worrying about who I’m going to marry and where I’m going to go and what I’m going to do and I’m going to stop worrying about who my friends are going to marry and where they’re going to go and what they’re going to do. I’m going to remind myself that it’s going to be okay and the Lord has a plan and it’s much much much more wonderful than what I have in mind, much better than waking up on the couch at twenty-three with a husband and puppy and baby.

The Lord is good, so good. He has it in his hands and it’s going to work out. I’m just going to keep praying and remembering that there’s a reason for everything, a time for everything, and maybe this is the time of struggle.

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