okay, 2015

here’s my list for 2015, or let’s just say second semester:

  • learn to play the guitar (I took beginning guitar last spring for my art credit, but sadly I didn’t devote the practice time and subsequently learned very very little) and sing more
  • read books! I don’t do this at school, but I know I need to take time simply to myself and that reading is the best way
  • pick a church and become involved – probably with the youth group!
  • stop drinking soda (I have a bad bad bad coke zero addiction)
  • do a Whole30 (starting at the beginning of January) and afterwards, maintain a 90% paleo diet (unless if I don’t feel as good after as I think I’m going to. but I feel like I’m gonna wanna stick with it, based off of what I have learned so far)
  • more activity – I am devoting myself to either working out at a class at my school gym, running (shockingly, I really enjoy running once I get back into the groove), or simply a long walk outside around school (the neighborhood is gorgeous – one of the best in NC)
  • memorize a Bible verse every week – my knowledge from my Christian school upbringing is fading fast
  • keep up a steady devotion – with a partner (Niki wants to so it’s going to work out well for us)
  • continue to pray for everyone in my life and write it down – thinking through my prayers for my family, close friends, and personal situations and writing them always gives me a lot of peace and it is really, really great to go back to my prayers from weeks or months past and reflect on what happened and where my heart was when I prayed that prayer
  • finally, BE NICE TO PEOPLE. I am typically considered a very very nice person and 90% of the time, that is the adjective used to describe me. this, I think has resulted in me sometimes being kind simply because it’s expected of me at this point – not because my heart is in it as much as it should be
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patience

Patience is a difficult thing for everyone, I think. We all want what the person beside us has and we want it now. We don’t want to wait for our chickfila, we don’t want to sit at a stop light, and we don’t want to wait for many other things (things that are more serious than chicken sandwiches and traffic lights).

I’m struggling with wanting to grow up. This season of my life is very hard and I would love more than anything to fall asleep on my couch and wake up, twenty-three, in a house with a husband and a puppy or a baby or if I’m feeling crazy, both. I want to get to that stage of my life because lately I’m struggling with knowing if it’s all going to work out in the end. I worry that I’m never going to find my person and that I’m going to be in a weird limbo forever. I worry that I will never figure out if a teacher is truly what I’m supposed to be. I worry for my friends, that they will be okay in the end too, and all I want these days is just to know that it’s all going to be okay. 

And that’s so difficult to do. I, we, should be enjoying our days right now. I’m in college and I shouldn’t worry about these things, but I think we go through seasons where we think too much about the future in an effort to not think about the now and then it all goes crazy.

Here’s what’s great, though: putting it in God’s hands. Not even putting it in God’s hands, but reminding yourself, grasping the fact that it’s all going to work out in the end because the Lord made this world and made me and all of the people in my life and he cares for us and he has a beautiful plan written out for us. He knows the end of our stories, just like He knows the middle and the beginning and even this crappy phase I call the third semester of college. It gets better than that because He doesn’t just know, He made it happen and He is in charge of our stories.

So I’m going to stop worrying about who I’m going to marry and where I’m going to go and what I’m going to do and I’m going to stop worrying about who my friends are going to marry and where they’re going to go and what they’re going to do. I’m going to remind myself that it’s going to be okay and the Lord has a plan and it’s much much much more wonderful than what I have in mind, much better than waking up on the couch at twenty-three with a husband and puppy and baby.

The Lord is good, so good. He has it in his hands and it’s going to work out. I’m just going to keep praying and remembering that there’s a reason for everything, a time for everything, and maybe this is the time of struggle.